Desuire/Longing/Passion For/The Cry of My Heart

So I was out at lunch with some guys and they were talking about X and you could see the light in their eyes and they discussed and talked. Getting more and more excited about X. i was excited for them but at the same time it hurt so much because i do not have X in my life like these two guys do. I love it so much where they are and i am so happy for them and while i was with them the overwhelming feeling in my heart was joy and happiness but as soon as i left it hit me. I do not have X and right now do not have the potential for X in my life.

As i was driving away i was crying to God to remove these desires because right now i feel that he has called me to be content without X in my life. But my heart was crying out no....NO!! As tears were coming down my face wanted to know why God would keep this desire in my heart if he is trying to make me content and to grow me without it.

I have no idea. All i know is that my heart is focused on Jesus and becoming one with Him. The cry of my heart is to be close to him in everything. But whenever something reminds me of X i am lost in longings of my heart and the passion i have to find X and to have X in my life.

Well waiting on God is not a bad thing it just sucks some times. But if the season i am in is waiting for the train then i am going to have to wait for the train....all i ask God is that you do not have me wait too long!!!!