Contentment is something you have without being happy in that place or really wanting to be there. However to be joy-filled you have to be content and happy. To be happy is about attitude. You decide you attitude every day. whether you are going to have a good attitude or have a bad attitude whether you are going to be look at the experience of the day as something to learn from or something that is there to bother you and bring you trouble.
This past weekend God throw some experiences in my life for the express purpose of me learning contentment and to be joy-filled with where i am and the place God has placed me. Specifically being single.
So now i find myself being single again after a relationship with was great. It was healthy and open. We could both say at the end of the relationship that we are both better people for knowing and dating each other. Which is a successful relationship. There are two outcomes to a successful relationship: 1. marriage & 2. Not marriage. Either way you are discovering what God's will is for the two of you. While you are listening and following God's will you are getting to know the other person and learning and growing with them. This is what a healthy relationship looks like. you are not feeding off of each other and taking advantage of each other physically or emotionally (both are just as harmful) but you respecting each other as a brother or sister in Christ.
So now i am in a new stage in my life God has placed before me a new task a new destination and this is a strange fact about where i am now as compared to other times God and i have set out on a journey. I know where i am going and what i am supposed to learn along the way.
However here comes the rub....i just do not want to do it!!!!
I do not want to be content being single and being where God has placed me. Right now in my life God has given me an amazing opportunity to grow and build my relationship with Him but i would rather stick to my own game plan, keep doing my own thing.
But over this weekend God brought me to my knees literally and i gave it all over to him. All of my dreams and ambitions, my desires. I was not happy about it but i am willing to do it. I am far from having completely done it but i am on the journey. It is like i have dropped the pack from my back but i am dragging it behind me by a strap and i am refusing to let go. I want to keep holding on to MY dreams and MY hopes. but i am starting to realize and actually embrace that GOD's dreams and GOD's hopes for me are so much better but i can only fit one set of those in my at once and it has to be ME or GOD there is one mixing or taking them by portions. All or nothing.
So that is the journey ahead of me. like Pilgrims Progress right now i am working on moving towards the cross to cut my weight from my back and fully leave it at the cross not carrying any part of it along with the road with me.
Well you will know the rest of the story when i do and i will continue to share it with you. some of this is very personal but i feel that if i write this all down and by my sharing everything someone somewhere is able to avoid even one of the holes i have fallen in or battles i have lost all this writing and sharing with have been worth it.....also i really like to write.
See you around the playground.
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